I’ve been teaching through the themes of nonviolence/compassion in January and LOVE in February. Yet, I am having a hard time practicing what I’ve been preaching. For reasons both political and personal, I feel an anger so close to the surface of my being much of the time, along with emotions of grief, sadness, and helplessness. Despite years of practicing yoga and meditation, it seems like those tools are not working very well for me now.

So, part of me doubts myself as a teacher; if I can’t access the benefits of these powerful tools to help process my feelings, how can I ask you all to do so?  But a different voice is also coming through—the one that says feelings of anger, fear and sadness are just as valuable. Nonviolence and Love, yes, always. But fear and anger also have power. Fear tells us we need to act—if we don’t do something, we will be in danger. Anger also is useful—it reminds us that we are empathetic and compassionate beings who, when we witness the suffering of others, we feel it ourselves. It’s a reminder that what happens to one of us happens to all of us. We are connected.

I think these emotions can be catalysts when we work with them, while knowing we need to let them evolve eventually. Remember in yoga philosophy, we have a Sanskrit word tapas? It translates to fire, heat, discipline. Think about when you feel angry--there's a lot of heat, right? Tapas is what supports transformation. Cultivating tapas on our mats means committing to our practice and being disciplined about making time and space for it. It means staying focused on our breath when the mind tries to take us all the other places it wants to go. It means building the right amount of heat so that our bodies can burn through emotional layers without using brute force. And it means knowing when it’s time to let the fire go down to embers—it’s there, we feel its warmth and see its glow, but there’s no drama in it. No risk of it rising out of control.

Tapas helps us make space, shake things up, and be present. From that vantage point, we can look within and ask the important questions. Then we can take aligned action.

I attended my very first yoga conference in 2012. Lately, I’ve been reading through my yoga notebooks from those years. I found this quote I’d written down from Beryl Bender, a wise teacher whose lecture I attended on the first night:

“Practice yoga 24/7. Pay attention. Attention drives transformation. Believe in miracles. Practice compassion—allow yourself to truly share another’s suffering. Use the practice of yoga to bring awareness to the things that you love, but also the things that you know need to change in the wider world and in your own internal landscape.”

So this month, let’s do those things in our own way. Let’s feel the strong emotions swirling within, use the energy of tapas to support our transformation, and move us to action. Let’s believe in miracles.

What I’m reading

The Serviceberry by Robin Wall Kimmerer

More on this next month, but please read if you haven't already! It has so much to teach us about using the “gift economy” to make our time on earth more meaningful and sustainable.

What I’m learning

Still learning to swim lol! Still in the very beginner class and still okay with that!

What I’m looking forward to

• Leading Ancient Wisdom for Awakening: A Women’s Gathering at the end of March in Joshua Tree, California.

• Longer days with more light

• Warmer temps and more blue sky

• Planning my container gardens (can't plant anything for a while)

• A weekend with our expanding family this month

What I’m reflecting on

Turning 60 this year. I heard Jane Fonda describe the period from 60+ as your “third act.” Really trying to visualize my third act—what’s most important, what I want to let go of, how I want to spend my time in my wisdom years, and a few bucket list items.

Podcast I'm appreciating

Calm News with Jessica Yellin

What I’m not doing

Using Amazon, shopping at Whole Foods, and subscribing to the Washington Post (heavy sigh).

My intentions for this month

• I honor all my feelings and work to transform them into action.

• I recommit to my teaching, knowing that the roots of wisdom are there even when I can't truly access them.

• I feel joy, gratitude, and a sense of playfulness each day.